In the last two weeks I have begun to write three posts that in the end I have deleted because I wasn’t sure I wanted them on my blog. I wanted to link together Otherness, choices made in fear and general ideas of where a woman’s strength comes from.
If you want to read about strong women then I beg, go and read Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. ‘The thing around your neck’ is what I am reading at the moment and it is a brilliant piece of literature – short stories based on women in Nigeria and abroad. Women in quandaries, women who make unexpected decisions based on what they really want and not what people think they should want.
Ah ha! I have just clarified everything I was trying to write in those deleted posts.
In my past I have made decisions I have only recently realised were made in fear. Not a big, quaking-at-the-knees fear but a quiet, omnipresent fear that pervaded my womanhood and my choices. I have been inhibited to become who I could possibly be. Don’t get me wrong, I am a resilient, well-spoken, opinionated woman but I often chose not to react in situations where I quite easily could’ve said something – something devils-advocatish, something witty, something to highlight what was so obviously wrong.
With my recent epiphanies on fear and the time I have taken to embed myself into this book of women, I hope to move forward and to speak up a bit more when it’s called for and to not make decisions based on the fear of reproach, when actually if I’d just said something all could’ve easily been put right for me.
And I will do this for my daughter.