I have been quiet this week as I have been on holiday in one of Australia’s not so large state capitals. I got to catch up in this time with a good friend who is quite a bit older than me but who holds many similar values and understandings. She is a very honest person who can talk and talk. The day we met we began talking at 12:30pm when we met and did not stop till she dropped me at my accommodation at 10:00pm. We then began the next day again as we took our daughters ice skating, another 6 hours or so of chatting. We could have kept going even then.
In these conversations there was nothing wasteful. Every sentence had a purpose. To connect, to share, to consolidate, to commiserate, to create understanding, to teach, to inform, to direct, to support and so on. It was wonderful and time passed not too fast or slow. It’s as if time was aware of our need to have this opportunity, we do not live near each other anymore as she moved away at the end of last year.
…or the constant chatter. 😛
This is Sisterhood.
However it got me thinking, once again, about girlfriends whom I used to be very close with but whom do not contact me anymore, nor I them. Several friends, 3 in particular, from my past (we are talking a good 15 years back for one) have at some point towards the end of our contact said something that kind of upset me, if not offended me, and I didn’t tell them about it. After the particular conversation, which was never confrontational, although they were personal, I felt embarrassed to call them, unsure of why I felt that way and thinking that if I was unable to be honest about my feelings perhaps the friendship wasn’t that strong. My main nervousness arose when I would stew over the idea that if I told them what they’d done had offended or hurt me they may come back with a tirade of all the things I had done to them. I was never aware if I had but couldn’t be sure because they obviously did not realise they’d affected me in such a way. So maybe it was the same?
One friend told me she’d always seen me as a lost soul, another commented on my very traditional African wedding photos – ‘Oh if you liked it, good’ after I’d gushed all over her traditional white, church wedding album. The other friend, the one from my teenage years, just drifted away. We’d been so close as teenagers her missionary parents thought we were lesbians. We were not, we just loved each others company and yet, over time as I travelled into the world and my African self, she stayed in the one spot and stopped contacting me as if I was ‘too much’ for her now. Oh, my internal dialogue on these events has been overwhelming at times.
So my aim for this blog is to nurture Sisterhood. Do I therefore need to repair these old friendships? Is there, as some say, a reason the friendship dissipated? Some people float in and out of our lives and if this is so do we need to maintain friendships that are of no more comfort to us? Are these even the right questions to ask?
photo credit – http://www.santabanta.com